Back to the Basics

I'm glad to know that my body gives me FULL warning when I'm getting anxious. There is never a question of the condition of my heart, because with a feeling or emotion, my body will produce tears, sweat, laughter, chills, or in this case .... IBS. Always right on cue. Thanks body. or, thanks Maker. Love the sensitivities. =)

Sew, So, Ceaux, I'm anxious. The Bible tells us not to be anxious about anything. Normally, my anxiety would probably turn into worry that I'm wallowing in anxiety...and sort of spiral in an unhealthy direction towards un-worship and self-pity. (so, thankfully I'm not TOO anxious of a person..). But right now, I almost feel like this anxiety is a joke-test that God is playing on me. Immediately when I felt myself get anxious today, I thought of how i could pray my way into peace, and submit to "rest" in today instead of think about how I'm going to be in states in a WEEK. But there's really no way to not think about it. So, I think instead of trying to bring peace upon myself, God has showed up in writing...snatching the rug from underneath my feet. He's so cool. I love when my ways don't work out the way I think they should.

Today I read some letters and journal entries....basically testimonies of day-in and day-out wreckage of the Holy Spirit in action....and I can't help but be thankful. So thankful God is working at my anxiety to bring my eyes and thoughts back to Him. SO thankful that He can RE-reveal to His children that we are indeed HIS poiema, as we read back to ourselves the poetry that He has allowed us to create on paper. What a great circle to see! I don't know why, but I find myself shaking my head in unbelief at these small revelations. When I see the subtle ways the Lord redirects our thinking. But why in unbelief? Oh me of little faith. 

But the glass is half full (always), at least there is a little faith....which can be built upon when He, the Maker of poetry, lures us back in...oh so gracefully.

Yes, be gone anxiety. 

China and Spain.

This is Spain.

This is China.

and these are the beautiful flowers i received from my beautiful Broun--for 8 'blooming' months together! 

i miss China.

i miss the 25 different smells from one corner to the next.

i miss the excitement of seeing the sun in clear view.

i miss the child-like nervousness of my Chinese friends as they spoke English for the first time with a foreigner.

i miss the daily reminder of surrender in the selfless, loving attitude of my Chinese friends.

i miss the humility i received after every meal...*cough*

i miss being able to witness a realization of the state of one's lost soul.

i miss the minute by minute weight of God's work at hand through the Holy Spirit

's divine presence infiltrating the marrow of my bones.

i miss experiencing the depths of Jordan, Angel, and Emily's souls through a study of God's Word.

i miss the choir we created while trying to speak in tones.

i miss the making of spiritual metaphors for literally everything, including the pollution in the air. 

but more so,

i am thankful for China.

i am thankful for my senses being heightened from that- the persecuted Church-in all arenas of my faith. 

thank you for China, my God! 

but i live in Spain now. and as i'm reminded by Elizabeth Elliot, "Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." be it ANY season of life, i think the nature of the fallen human race is dissatisfaction.....whether our situation in life seems absolutely glorious or horrendously frightening. we want that "greener grass on the other side". i pray against that. especially here in Spain, as i crave feelings from my time in China, or as i long for friends and family and loved ones and the comfort of other believers. i'm here. i'm positively confident of the Divine hand in my placement here. right now, with these people. it's just another opportunity for the spread of the Greatest news in the history of the universe.

my impression of this culture wasn't the persecution...more of the culture being satisfied in non-eternal things, and not understanding their need for a Savior. here, it seems completely normal to wallow in confusion, sin, and the like without worrying about the consequences. and for me, this is harder to "deal" with than a bowl of fish swimming in the same aimless direction year after year (China).(<--anyone get that reference?)

i'll stop here. 

but i guess this an exhortation to myself (and to whoever wants an exhortation) that "wherever you may be, be all there". let not your longing slay the appetite for your living.